It's Christmas morning and somewhere in the innocent depths of my mind lies a younger version of me, fighting heavy eyelids and imagining a red-velvet clad white-bearded figure soaring across the sky in a gravity defying apparatus ready to deliver what I wanted most as a child... a chemistry set. Yes, I'm a nerd. I really wanted a chemistry set. I wanted to mix chemicals and blow things up, not because I was one of those sick pyrophilic types, but because I loved science, I loved being creative and turning my imagination into something tangible.
So, some twenty odd years later after these dreams (and no I never got my chemistry set... thank you Amma and Anna), I find myself post-call in the PICU on Christmas day, rounding on 22 very sick and unfortunate children at midnight, when Santa should be feasting on my eggless oatmeal raisin cookies and soymilk (and no, I'm not a vegan). I'm amidst the craziest type of science - not only the science of keeping kids from crashing from hypotension and respiratory distress, but the science of keeping myself awake for an ungodly number of hours - no matter how many people in this world have gone through residency, and how many more people have gone through a pre-duty hours residency, and how many MORE people will go through this schedule, I still maintain that it's not human to stay awake for this long and function at 100%.
What is the secret to this science? The secret lies in my chemistry set - finding the perfect mix of chemicals, if you want to be really corny... and yes, I think I want to be. I think the secret lies in finding things that make me smile, such as a beautiful full moon that I saw this morning on my way to work. Such as the charge nurse right now, delivering a special sack of presents to each child in the PICU. The nurse this afternoon who knew I really wanted a cherry coke and bought me one. The respiratory therapist who complimented me on helping a child during a code. One of my colleagues who brought me a Starbucks hot chocolate as a treat along with a Christmas card. The attending who offered to round on my patients super early so I could go home early post call.
All of these smalll events made me smile today, and on this Christmas, I'm going to think of these small things that I'm grateful for to help me get through this day.
