Did you ever say something out loud without really knowing what you were saying, but at the same time, mildly amusing yourself in the process? (Keep in mind that posing questions such as these naturally reveal to a reader (that's you!!) that the author is about to explain how such a situation manifested in the author's life. Folks, this is simply a strategy that writers use to draw their audience in... Incidentally, using tangentiality in writing is a sure fire way to lose your audience. Oops.)
Telemarketers... For some reason, telemarketers have been inundating my life with phone calls, wanting me to complete surveys. This recent inundation is most likely a function of me actually being in my apartment as opposed to being found in various cities across the world interviewing for residency positions. Crap... Tangentiality.
So here's what's been happening. These telemarketers are calling me NON-STOP, and Devika is getting very annoyed with them. The worst thing about these recent telemarketers is that they right away launch into their spiel without honestly giving me a chance to refute their request for me to complete a survey. Usually I just hang up on the telemarketers before they even say "Hello" because usually there is a several second delay before they respond to your initial "Hello?"
But last week, I devised a new strategy to deal with the telemarketers, one that pretty much self-manifested without much forethought (see opening sentence of blog entry). Before I explain further, please know that I live alone in my apartment, and I'm in my twenties.
So one day this lady calls me, wanting to complete a survey.
"Ma'am, I would like to know the age and gender of the oldest person living in your household."
"62 years old and female," I reply. Sounds good. I smile.
"Ok, great. Can you tell me the age and gender of the second oldest living member of your household?"
"40 year old male." I say. This amuses me, because I guess the idea of a 62 year-old female and 40 year-old male is what some people may call a mildly scandalous relationship. Hey, why not make your life appear a little more zing-zing to a telemarketer? (See what Step 2 studying does to my life???)
"Oh, ok, great. A 40 year-old male. Is this individual a smoker or a non-smoker?"
"He smokes like a chimney," I reply. ooooh la la...
"Ok. I think the 62 year-old female would be a bit too old to complete this survey. Can I please speak to the 40 year-old male?"
Oh shit.
"Um, he's actually not here right now..." I say, wishing that I could have thought of something to say that rivalved the brilliance of my previous answers.
"Oh ok, ma'am. In that case, we'll call back at a later time. Thank you." Click.
YES!!! Devi has successfully devised a new way of getting rid of telemarketers!!! Or so she thinks...
Two days later, I get a phone call around noon-time.
"Hello?"
"Hi, yes. Can I please speak to the 40 year-old male in the household who smokes?"
Crap.
"Actually he's not here right now. Can I take a message?"
"No ma'am, there's no message. We'll call back at a later time."
YES! I got rid of her again!!!
A day later, I get another phone call, this time it's in the evening.
"Hello?"
"Hi ma'am. Can I please speak to the 40 year-old male who smokes, please?"
Dammit! Persistent telemarketers!! I toy with the idea of telling the lady that the 40 year-old male smoker moved... or died... or developed suddent onset dissociative fugue with chronic psychosis not otherwise specified (I think I just made that up). But instead I say,
"He's not here right now..."
"Is there a good time at which I may be able to talk to the 40 year-old male who smokes?"
"Well, actually, he's working night shifts..."
"Oh ok. That may not work for us. Thank you." Click.
Hmm... maybe that did the trick? I wasn't really sure what she meant.
Then, literally 10 minutes later I get another phone call.
"Hi, ma'am, can I please speak with the 40 year-old make who smokes in your household?"
Then I get annoyed.
"Um, actually you guys just called and I've already told you that he's working night shifts." Then I hang up the phone. The nerve of these telemarketers... to actually not believe what other people are saying!! Whatever happened to the concept of "trust" in this world?
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P.S. Yes, I'm alive and I'm blogging again.
5 comments:
My Speech/Psychology teacher in high school liked to have fun with telemarketers. He told me that whenever a telemarketer called and asked to speak to "Jack Davis," he would say, "I'm sorry, but you've called at a bad time. Jack Davis passed away this morning." It usually flustered them.
My friend John in high school took a different approach to rattle telemarketers: "You have 30 seconds to spark my interest....29....28....27...."
Yikes... people are more creative than I am!!! hmm... i'll have to think of better ways to mess with telemarketers. The Jack Davis approach is ok, but it seems kind of harsh. The John approach is probably more along the lines of something I would do.
you should have said the 40-year old smoker just died of lung cancer. or said he's out on the deck having a smoke... playing with telemarketers is fun! and welcome back to the posting world!
You might want to try the do not call list... just an idea :)
yes i'm going to try the do not call list. Gonzo educated me on that.
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